My kids go back to school today.
One thing I am thankful for, is that, the summer holidays are only six weeks long. Mine had seven weeks, as we skipped the last week of school to go to America, but at least it’s not the three months my in-laws have to deal with, find childcare, entertainment and food for every year. Six weeks is fine.
I’ve never been a fan of the attitude where parents can’t wait to be rid of their kids. The jokes about mums needing alcohol to cope with parenting (like Hurrah for Gin for example). I want to spend time with my kids, I love them, even when they’re driving me up the wall (or driving each other up the wall, and in turn me). And I know most of the time, the parents making these jokes don’t mean it but it always rubs me the wrong way.
Especially the jokes involving alcohol. I really can’t get behind any jokes about drinking. It’s just not funny to promote any sort of drinking culture.
I don’t get to be home for six weeks while they’re driving me crazy and demanding fruit every hour on the hour but I do know what it’s like to be with them all day everyday since we went though lockdowns and all (though, Tabby was much younger and her issues different , it still was rough).
I take as much time off as I can but my annual leave is limited and I always have to keep some in reserve for emergencies and medical appointments (mine, my child’s, my wife’s and on occasion, my mums). This year I used up a big chunk of my annual leave going to the states, and had nothing left to take for the rest of the year.
And I miss these crazy goobers. I get alone time, on the bus mostly, and I get to pee in peace when I’m work (though, I would appreciate the ability to pee in peace at home too). I do love the welcome homes I get, I know they won’t be quite so enthusiastic forever and I think on days off I forget how much I miss them.
Even now, as they’re climbing on each other and I know it’s going to end in tears.
So I try to be more present for them on the weekends, after dinner. It’s not always easy, I’m so busy and often tired and/or in pain but I try because I love them. Because they deserve parents who are present and engaged in their lives. They deserve better than I had.
Like the kids, I don’t cope well as home for long periods of time, even with company, and neither do the kids. They need to be out and about, and they need routine, as do I and it’s hard to maintain routine without school or work.
Every year we say ‘we really need a routine’ and every year it goes out the window within the first week of them not going to sleep until 10pm, and the weather meaning they can’t spend hours in the garden tormenting the plants (and occasionally the cats).
But they need to be in school. They need to be out of my house for six hours a day so my wife can get a break and so I don’t have to hoover so often. They need to be with children that aren’t each other. They need to be apart.
That’s something I realised I definitely did wrong this summer. I concentrated so much on the trip to America, I didn’t really think about the other five and a half weeks. Nor did we realise how much my youngest Tabby needed to be apart from her sister.
We often focus on Flower, and how Tabby can annoy her or upset her. She’s sensitive to sound especially and Tabby is full of life and she talks about wanting alone time, or time away from her sister often.
Tabby needs the same, but at four, does not have the vocabulary or emotional intelligence yet to understand or verbalise that. However, she definitely needed time away from her older sister, to just be who she is without someone policing her. She loves her sister, they love each other, but they’re so different that the time apart is as important the time together. I really missed the mark on that one this summer but I definitely will keep in mind scheduling time for them to be apart.
Having them in school of course, brings it’s own set of obstacles – with one medically fragile child and one trans child – but they enjoy school and it’s a good school and I’m looking forward to what the new year brings.
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