It’s Cold and I’m not as S.A.D

It’s Cold and I’m not as S.A.D

It’s officially cold.

The false autumn has been and gone, the mini summer fake out was breif and now we’re descending fully into autumn proper. The hot water bottles are ouot and the gloves are on and this year I actually do not feel the same dread as I usually do about winter.

water ripple with maple leaves
Photo by Mitchell McCleary on Unsplash

I’m not sure what has changed. Usually, as soon as my kids go back to school, I start panicking about the winter and my Seasonal Affective Disorder – SAD – but we’re in October and the dread has yet to set in.

I’m trying to take stock of what is different this year compared to other years. I don’t have a plan in place to deal with the crippling depression that comes along with the winter but I feel somewhat hopeful that it won’t be as bad this year. I’m not already overwhelmed by everything I need to do. Am I better prepared for how busy my winters are? Am I hell. But I feel different and that’s already pretty good as far as I’m concerned.

I have things to look forward to this year and feel more capable of tackling my life during the colder, darker days.

Two Christmas markets are booked in – one in Aberystwyth and another in Lampeter. I’m looking forward to both, especially the Lampeter one at the uni as I’ve been meaning to connect with folks down there for a while now.

My stall at the Fresher’s Fair last week.

Dragon Age Veilguard is coming out in a month. I’ve been looking forward to this game for years now, much like every Dragon Age fan. I have a nug tattoo and collect all sorts of DA merch (mostly books).

I have been writing more – not just the blog, but in general and enjoying it again. I’m looking into courses for writing – I tend to need structure however and a lot of online courses don’t give me the structure I need. Plus with how busy I am, it’s sometimes hard to commit.

I’m going to the Social Business Wales conference this week. I went last year and really enjoyed it, learnt a lot and met some interesting people. I got a bursary again to attend, and I’m hoping to make more movement on opening up a queer space in town.

I am starting to advocate more for care and support for queer folk under 18 in my area. Cause there isn’t any. I’ve been looking at setting up some groups. There isn’t much around here for young people, unless you’re a student, and nothing for teenagers or kids like mine. It’s a work in progress.

My health has not improved, but I’m getting a better handle on it. I’m slowly getting my diabetes under control – I grew up with some bad eating habits (mostly due to neglect or my mum just working three jobs) that are hard to drop. So I have to do things at my pace. I’m down to a packet of crisps a week which is better than one a day.

Pain wise things are worse, the pain my legs lingers, I’m stiffer than ever and really struggling somedays. The cold does not help. my knee needs…something, I don’t know what, I’m just working with it at this point. I’m still working on getting some more answers on what exactly is going on beyond an extended trauma response.

I started driving lessons last month. I’ve only had four so far and it’s terrifying but I’m trying because it will help. The fact that I have started has been a boost to my confidence.

Me and my mum on her 68th birthday last week!

And little things, we have a new car, so we’re able to go the grocery shopping with ease again. I can go see my mum again after work on a Friday. I made enough money during the Fresher’s fair last week that I could buy a dishwasher. My eldest got a new practice harp from school made of wood. My youngest has only missed a few days of school so far this term which is better than I was expecting given how often she missed nursery. Plus she’s sleeping better, sometimes through the night and so is my eldest.

So I am hopeful that this winter will be better. There’s no guarantees. I need to keep taking my meds, taking a hot water bottle to bed, painkillers, early nights, crisps on a Tuesday and yogurt and walking up the hill with my cane and looking forward to our annual Christmas trip.

I’ll get through, I always get through, this year might be a little easier though.

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