There’s lot of stuff they do and don’t tell you about being a parent.
My sister has two kids, and I’ve spent a lot of time with them over the years, babysitting and the like. They’re older than my kids (they’re now 14 and 21) and it gave me an idea of what parenting was like, the general bits, but not everything.
And there’s definitely stuff I did know going in – the sleepless nights, the endless questions, the delight and sorrow of being a parent.
I didn’t expect the lack of privacy – not just going to the toilet, but every conversation they’re almost in earshot for, every bit of information needs to be shared. I did not expect how much Cinderella would be a part of my life, and how many things I would need to look at and respond with enthusiasm (or, vaguely interested).
I expect doctors visits and school trips and uniform and tears and tantrums. Hell, I’d even been prepared for neurodivergency to some extent too.
I hadn’t been prepared for the long hospital stays, the words cancer, transplants, medication for life, hearing aids, loop earplugs and an inability to wear anything except leggings.
But what I don’t think any parent expects is the number of emails and letters I’ve had to write to MPs, the government, hell, the void, to advocate for my child’s fundamental right to exist exactly as she is.
I never set out to have a trans kid, and I know I get the blame for her being trans cause I’m non-binary, but I’ve never let her be anything but herself. She leads and I follow and no one would even know she was trans because she’s just like every other 9 year old girl in the world.
Her future in Wales is pretty bleak.
She can’t access puberty blockers. She has long waiting lists to get gender affirming healthcare as an adult, assuming this isn’t taken away as well. She’s going to be discriminated against at every turn, not allowed to use the same spaces as her friends, her peers and bullied and harassed both on and offline just for existing.
And she doesn’t deserve this. She’s just a kid. Just a little kid who deserves better than what the Government is doing. She’s the future, supposedly, but also she’s not the future, just because she was born different. We’re condemning her to a life of misery, a life she might be better served outside of Wales, outside of Britain, in a country that does hate her for what chromosomes she may or may not have, and what’s in her pants.
In Wales, children has rights under the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child but right now, Flower doesn’t. She can’t join any group she wants (article 15) because if it’s girls only, she’ could be thrown out (and now she couldn’t join the girl guides even if she wanted to). She‘s going to be a target for abuse as she grows unless she conforms to her biological sex (article 19), and she cannot access the healthcare she may need as she grows (Article 6). She definitely isn’t able to development of her personality, talents and mental and physical abilities to their fullest potential (article 29).
I shouldn’t have to beg strangers to let her be who she is, I should cry over the idea of my little girl growing having to either hide who she is or be bullied for who she is. When people make comments online, brass and bold about their hatred, have no idea that there is a little girl somewhere unaware of how much they hate her, who only wants to build Lego and draw and read and care for her chickens, garden with her nan and dance. They see some future risk to women’s sports and I see a little girl who usually comes 5th place in most races and hates the sack race. They see someone who is delusional, needs mental health help, needs to forced conform to their biological sex. I see a little girl who is very certain in who she is. They see parents who have forced some ideology on a vulnerable child. I see parents who have just let her be exactly who she is, be that cis, trans, straight, gay, weird, funny, nerdy, whatever.
They see some invisible monster – ignoring the fact that 97% of sex offenders are men. And in 2024, there were only 51 trans people in Women’s prisons and 48 of them identified as trans men. So 3 were trans women or non-binary. (source – UK Gov).
But somehow this tiny percentage of people is a problem, a threat and we’re supposed to hide away in the name of women and children’s safety, ignoring how much misogyny there is in the word, how family courts are broken and seem to victim blame mothers and domestic abuse charities are desperately under funded and over subscribed.
And then what? Trans people detransition, go back in the closet, cease to exist? Well, cis men will continue to assault, rape and murder women and children. The economy will still be fucked and poverty and unemployment will continue to rise and then it will be the gay men, the lesbians, everyone else under the LGBTQ umbrella on the chopping block and poverty will still rise and cis men will still kill 3 women a week.
I shouldn’t need to know all this. I work for a uni, I don’t even work in domestic abuse any more, I’m just a parent who writes blog posts, draws stuff with pride flags on it and tries their best to raise good kids who will do good things like caring for their friends, their neighbours, the people in the village, the world. Who can read and write and draw and build and learn and discover.
I wrote my emails last week. Not a single reply. Because no one can look at my child and say she deserves to have her rights taken away, no can admit it out loud and I’m sure no one expected this part of parenting. The part where the people in power play with your rights, your children’s lives and ignore you while you’re drowning.
People I have written to (via Email and Letter) and have not replied, not even my local MP and AS have even replied.
- Prime Minister
- Health Minister
- The Children’s Commissioner for Wales
- Ben Lake MP
- Anna Nicholl AS
- Kerry Ferguson AS
- Elin Jones AS
