I was thinking about what I wanted to write about, and mostly figured that a life update would be good. I haven’t been blogging much, or even writing much. And recently, I’ve even pulled away from social media. After everything that’s gone on over the past few years, and the way both blogging and social media have changed. I would like to get back into it, the blogging, social media, educating and awareness. It’s going to take time I think, to shift my brain back into that headspace. So much has happened, even in the last year, so, I figured it would be a good way into getting back into it and finding stuff I want to talk about.
For starters, as you can see, I made a new logo.
Me
I’m okay, I’m pretty sure between cancer and lockdown I have PTSD. I’m not saying that as a joke, or to make light of it, it feels like this. I still think about the cancer all the time, I can’t go anywhere without thinking about something that reminds me of an incident. I have nightmares about it. I think I need to mention it to my psychologist.
One thing that I am sure of is that the trauma of Tabby’s cancer was one trauma too many for my body to handle. I’m struggling now with chronic pain – mostly in my legs. Something that started during the cancer that hasn’t really gone away.
I changed jobs in January – mostly because I needed a change, and I needed less stress. I loved my old job, but also hated it by time I decided I needed to go. I worked for the domestic abuse charity for five years (including my 11 months off), and I was done. I loved the work we did, and I really believe and support domestic abuse charities but I was done. I hated the politics, internal and external, I hated how I went away for 11 months and seemingly nothing had actually changed but also everything had changed? I realised part of what had changed was me. I had changed, changed a lot since I started there and I’m really proud of the work I did to help the CEO turn the charity around and grow it like we did.
Change is hard though, terrifying, especially when you’re paying the bills. I work for the university now and the job is similar but without the domestic abuse. I like it.
I am running my shop – Queer Little Shop – I’ve not done any markets this year, I plan to do a couple of pride events and hopefully the stall in August. I’m still hoping to open a queer space in Aberystwyth, but it’s taking time to get everything in place in terms of funding.
I organised Pride In Aberystwyth for a second year – this year was even bigger – more stalls, more acts, more attendees. I want to write about it properly as some point. I’m already thinking about next year.
My Wife
My wife has been driving for a couple of years now and we can get down to Carmarthen and back mostly without google maps. She’s just finished an editing course – it’s definitely something she wants to get into in terms of a career, more so if she can fit it around Tabby’s care. She’s still her main carer and, for a short while, my mum’s main carer too and I know how exhausted she’s been these past few months.
She continues to buy houseplants. I continue to moan about it while simultaneously aiding her in the purchasing and displaying of house plants (I bought her a plant shelves for her birthday this year).
Flower
Flower is nearly 8 and in her third year of school (well, finishing it up). She’s taking ballet still, and modern, but moved from the Arts Centre dance school, to a new one run by Laura McCabe. She’s really enjoying it, they put on shows every year, and she even passed her first exams too. She started learning to play the harp in September and has taken to it really well.
She decided this year, her new years resolution was to be braver – which she then smashed in the first week by going on her first overnight school trip. Before that she wouldn’t even go and stay at a friends house – or her aunties. She would stay with my aunt but anyone else she was too nervous. But she loved every minute of her school trip and I was so proud of her.
She still struggles a lot with her anxiety and her fears (heights in particular and perfectionism) but she continues to be a bright funny clever and kind kid.
Tabby
It has been two years since Tabby’s last chemo, two and half years since she had her liver transplant. She is still seen every three months at Cardiff, and semi-regularly by Birmingham. She will have monthly blood tests for life, but some of the other stuff will taper off. She currently has a play therapist as she struggles with her emotions – most than normal for a nearly four year old. Her play therapist definitely thinks there are some delays with her social development – but that’s not surprising. She was a lockdown baby and a cancer kid.
Her new liver is good, she remains cancer free. She definitely has some hearing issues – she has glue ear, but it’s hard to get a read on her actual hearing because she’s figured out the hearing test and jumps the gun a bit. I think it will become clearer as she gets older. Her speech and communication are improving all the time, though when she’s upset she completely shuts down and won’t tell you what’s wrong, which I find frustrating but I’m trying to not get frustrated with her.
She starts school full time in September, she turns four next week, and we have a meeting lined up with the school about her health. She’s missed a lot of nursery between blood tests, clinic, avoiding certain viruses going around school and other issues she’s been having lately. I do worry about her missing too much school, she’s already missed so much nursery.
Family
My mum is currently in a larger home, better suited for her dementia. I visit after work on a Friday and we take her out regularly, my sister and my aunt both visit weekly and take her out. She isn’t happy, but I don’t think that’s because she’s unhappy, I think it’s her dementia brain not understanding the situation. She thinks she’s fine. That she can look after herself. This, unfortunately is not the case.
Having her with us, and being able to visit her regularly has meant a better relationship between her and the kids. At least for them, before Nanna Jackson was just a crazy lady who they saw now and then. Now she is a proper nanna they see who also is a crazy lady.
My dad has been to visit a couple of times, he’s still a pain in the arse. But he’s my pain so, you know. The kids love to see him. We had dinner with him my sister and niece and my mum. His Parkinson’s is up and down, he has some better days than others. Much like mum.
My sister is good, doing her nursing degree and running again. My nephew has moved and doing good, my niece is awesome as usual.
Summer
We’re going to the states next month to visit family, my brother in law is getting married. The kids are beside themselves with excitement. Tabby thought she got to wear a big puffy white dress, she does get to wear a big hat though. I have a shirt. We all have passports and visas and flights and trains. I still haven’t paid for the travel insurance yet, I shopping around as at the moment, with Tabby’s health conditions insurance is over 400 quid. Even if I lied and said both me and my wife are completely healthy 🤣 it would still be over 400 quid. But better safe than sorry.
So that’s us, at the moment, hopefully, this will help me to keep writing, now there hasn’t been this huge gap. If there is anything you want me to write/talk about, let me know in the comments ⬇️