In a week exactly (at time of writing) we have our twenty-week scan and should be able to find out what the sex of the baby is. I say should because during every scan my sister had with her second child Poppy, she turned over and they didn’t find out until she was born. I half suspect Snappy will do similar, it was already awkward at the first scan and I foresee similar at the next scan (and all the scans to be honest).
Definitely my child.
Anyway. Here is where the problem lies.
Just cause the baby is designated a certain gender, it doesn’t mean it is that gender. I’m always trying to find the right words to use, so you’ll have to bear with me.
Sex and gender are not the same things so whatever sex it is may not be its gender. Not everyone else thinks the same way I do, not everyone can see them as two different things. Two separate things that are not necessarily permanent.
I am genderfluid, so on any given day, I am not the gender I was assigned with at birth. On any given day, my sex and my gender are not the same things.
I dislike gender stereotypes. Well, all stereotypes, and hope to raise my child, whatever it’s gender preference as someone who feels they can be whoever they are from the very beginning. Whether they’re cis, trans or queer. This is important to me as both a genderfluid person and a trans ally. I want to live in a world where my child is safe and free to be whoever it is and that starts with me.
And part of me doesn’t know how to go about it.
I’ve been struggling with this whole ‘gender reveal’ malarky. I get asked all the time by people if we know if it’s a boy or a girl, if we’re going to find out, which do we want.
Snappy doesn’t know it’s gender yet, so how am I supposed to know, and those words are gendered words. Or perhaps my brain is making them gender words over sex words.
Perhaps I’m over-thinking it.
I solicited some opinions from the members of a geeky LGBTQ+ group I’m a member of on Facebook, and they were really helpful. They reminded me of the difference between the sex and gender, that it is not a gender reveal but a sex reveal. That we will be finding out the babies designated sex, and one day, we will find out its gender, whether it matches its sex or not.
I really want to do a whole ‘reveal’ thing with chickens, I guess it also makes me feel a little uncomfortable at the same time.
The pronouns, however, may or may not be another issue. I am happy with all and any pronouns, but I know how important they are to others. They may be very important to Snappy or they may not even care like their mum. Should I call the baby them and their until they’ve decided? Should I just go with the assigned pronouns until it makes a decision of its own.
Am I over thinking it?
I’m aware that this is a more rambling post than usual. I could just tell everyone it’s a crocodile. I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter, whether you be cisgender, trans, agender, genderfluid, genderqueer, nonconforming and so on. Let me know in the comments or via the contact form if that makes you more comfortable.