There are lots of things to worry about when you send a kid to nursery. Will they get along with the staff, the other children, the change in routine? Will they miss us. Will they miss us at all or too much?
Will they learn anything or will it just be a break?
Will they get picked on?
The last one is actually one of my big fears, and it’s compounded by the fact that we’re two mums in a rural area. We’re not the only two-mum families, though I think we might the only one in the village. I’m not so worried about that until he gets to school but it is a worry. Cause kids are little shits to each other.
Plus I got picked on for the same thing in primary school.
My two big fears about Snappy going to nursery are him changing and heteronormativity/cisnormativity.
I’ll start with the easy one first.
I’m worried he’ll change. He’s such a sweet kid, a good kid too. He’s generally whiny when he’s tired and he doesn’t always want to eat his dinner but he’s a really good kid. And he’s really funny. His personality is very well defined and I really don’t want that to change, want him to change.
He’s really funny. Right now he’s calling bethend by her given name instead of mummy and it’s really funny. Well, I think it’s really funny – my wife less so. He’s also insisting on getting us to call people on his ‘rock phone’ (a stone he found on the beach at the weekend).
He likes to list things, at seven am the other morning he sat on the sofa listing all the people he knew who had noses. So everyone he knows. He likes to make lego vehicles and then have bethend take pictures of them for his nainy and papa.
He is very loving too. He will tell you that hugs and kisses make you feel better, he pats you on the chest when you cough (or sneeze, or something when you burp). He’s really shy, but he talks about the people he loves a lot. If he likes you, loves you, he probably won’t show it to you but he’ll tell the two of his mummies about you non-stop.
I don’t want any of that to go away. I know, I know, he will change, it’s inevitable but sometimes I wish he didn’t have to. He drives me nuts, he can be annoying as all hell, but I love him just like this. This is is peak goober.
This is a little harder to explain and for some people to take.
I am trying to raise my son genderfully. For him to be able to be himself regardless of the gender he is. At two he isn’t really any gender, we’ve assigned him a male name and male pronouns based on his sex. Whatever he is though he’ll figure out along the way and have the freedom to figure it out.
I am very aware that this is very much based and biased by my own sense of gender as a genderfluid person and growing up struggling with my gender (I did not really struggle with my sexual orientation). I am often distrustful of cishet people and their dealings with anything LGBTQIA+. Even the allies.
I do not want him to have to conform to cishet constraints. He’ll have to conform enough as it is if he’s anything like me or my wife. We’ve spent the better part of our lives trying to fit it. But I don’t want the same for him.
I don’t want him to suffer for being different, it’s a very fine line to walk, but I feel like it’s unfair for my kid to be bullied by kids whose parents are pricks. But it’s even the allies who cause issues, will cause him problems.
I want him to be happy, comfortable, himself. That’s all we want but some people forget that often means stepping outside of their outdated stereotypical gender roles. And it’s actually a little easier for afab kids, but as soon as an amab kid wants to wear a tutu or be feminine, people baulk. The same people who will stand there and insist their daughters can be anything they want, wear anything they want, do anything that boys do.
I don’t want my kid to be ruined by cishet people. I want him to be exactly who he is. And if he turns out to be cishet himself too then that’s fine.
And I get that most of you reading this are probably cishet, and this isn’t really meant as an insult. But there is more to the world than just cisgender heterosexuals, even if we are surrounded, outnumbered, whatever, you can just pretend your way is the only way anymore. Not just for the sake of my kid but for the sake of yours too.
Nursery, School, University.
This got a little away from me. But my points are valid.
Snappy has been at nursery a few weeks now, and I got his primary school place through just a few days ago for 2020. I think, to be honest, that’s where the real problems will start.
And I’m already worrying about him going to University.
For a quick list of some of the terms used – check out my lexicon.