Dear Nursery Staff…Anything Else We Need To Know

Snappy starts nursery this week. Just two afternoons a week, enough to get him out of Bethends hair and into the hair of someone else for a few hours. I mean, just enough to socialise him and prepare him for school. Definitely what I mean.

Snappy making a face.

I was thinking about writing a post about my fears about sending him to nursery but another, bigger issue has come to light.

There is not enough room on the form in the section entitled “Anything else we need to know.”

Yes, yes there is.

So here it is, things I think the nursery needs to know that I didn’t get to put on the form.

Designated Fun Zone

Please only prescribe to the correct fun during imaginative play. Don’t get clever with it. If we’re going to the shop to buy yogies (yogurt) we’re going to the shop to buy bloddy yogies. Snappy does not and will not deviate. We’ve tried. You have the option to chose which yogie you want to buy, but boy howdy are you going to buy yogie.

Somestimes you will get a present. You should open it. It will either be a green present or a yogie. Either way you will open it.

Do not touch his carefully parked cars and if the lorry is sad, do not suggest ways in which the lorry could be happy. If he is lonely, he’s staying lonely. That’s just the way it is. Apparently.

Also, you are not allowed to join in. Do not have the fun. There is no fun for you the designated fun zone.


He will rat you out. And other children. And his mummies. And also the cats. Even if the cats have been asleep for the past two hours, he will walk up to them, shake his finger at them, and tell them they’ve been naughty.

We’re also three weeks into push-gate. In which another much younger child pushed Snappy at playgroup. He has not stopped talking about it. Every day. for three weeks.

Apparently Snappy is taking names.

Dress Down Day Life

He watches opera. Probably unusual for a toddler but he likes it. He watches Cendrillion two or three times a day week and sympathises with the Prince who doesn’t want to get dressed to go to the party.

Snappy pulling a rainbow hat on.

Snappy definitely does not want to get dressed. To be honest, neither do I, but if I can’t go to work in my pyjamas then he can’t go to nursery in his. These clothes are a compromise/fight/crying mess. Please delete as appropriate.

Little Miss Repetition

I hope you like Mr. Men books. That’s all I’m saying about that.

Drama Goober

Snappy is already in dance class, but given his personality, we’re definitly thinking theatre is in this child’s future. The facial expressions alone would win him awards. If they gave awards to toddlers for their work in driving their mothers bonkers that is.

He also has every injury and malady know to humans. Especially if you happen to have also mentioned you have said malady. He does have scabs on both knees, tiny ones, he will mention it. He’s actually fine. He probably does not need “medicine”.

He also does a great impression of his aunty -“Poppy, get your shoes, Poppy!” It’s uncanny.

Musical Breathing

As with all toddlers, be suspicious if silence. He rarely naps and even asleep there are noises.

As well as the talking, there is also humming and single, banging of things onto other things (a classic) and my favourite (except at 6am) musical breathing.

I don’t know how he does it, it’s not humming, it’s something closer to whistling. But breathing. Mostly it’s a morning thing but just so you know cause some mornings I think I’m dreaming.

Help Help Help

There will be hindering helping. This will include everything from going to the toilet to feeding the cats. The level of help varies from complete disasters like “why has my carpet been replaced with flour” to “a few extra biscuits won’t hurt”.

Snappy pushing a basket on wheels at Lidl

It is very hard to disuaed him from helping until you actully want him to help.

You Will Have a Bit

Pro: Snappy does share. Con: You WILL have a bit. Whether you like it or not. He cannot be disuaded from this either. One of two things will happen if you refuse.

  1. You say no, he says “it’s very nice” in his stupidly adorable voice and you give in and eat or drink whatever the hell he’s offering. I’ve gotten very good at taking tiny sips and bites. He knows when you’re pretending. He knows.
  2. You say not, are strong in the face of adorable toddler and then sya no again and then he shoves it your mouth.

Don’t say you weren’t prepared.

That’s Not How It Works

This one is me, sorry.

In trying to explain why he has to do something or why he can’t do something, I’ve been using the phrase “that’s not how it works.” It has backfired. When he is explaining something he now tells you “that’s how it works.”

He uses this phrase for everything from why he has to watch another opera DVD, to why he doesn’t need to get dressed. He is too clever for his own good our own good.


Suspicious Minds

Snappy is very stubborn – it’s genetic – and extremely suspsicious of all ateempts to get him to anything. Even stuff he wants to do. If he knows you want him to do something, he will dig his metaphorical goober heels in.

Snappy glaring at the camera.

This includes everything from eating bananas you’ve already peeled (a banana he asked for) to wearing clothes (see above).

He cannot be forced either. You just kinda have to keep moving forward and never always negotiate with toddlers.

Good Luck?

He started this week, so we’ll see how it goes. He’s going to love it, eventually. I’m not sure about everything else. The prevailing feeling in my household most days is that we love our kid but he’s bloody annoying.

Not in a mean way, but in adorable way.

And that is much, much worse.

10 Replies to “Dear Nursery Staff…Anything Else We Need To Know

  1. This is so cute! He sounds like a fun typical toddler to me and such a cutie! I love how well you know your child. Sadly, some parents out there don’t know their children this well. I hope he has a wonderful time and gets used to it quickly. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time!

  2. Having two boys myself I know how much fun and also how exhausting it can be. Going to nursery was one of the best things that happened to us as a family, the sharing of the workload was something I needed. I was also amazed at how they had their own habits when there that was completely different to those they had at home. Mainy

  3. Haha, this post made me chuckle. This reminds me of my oldest son, James, he is such a crazy little boy and a very big nark. LOL. #KCACOLS

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