Originally written on 8th February.
We had our first scan today.
My brain is fried.
Not in the same way the midwife’s appointment fried my brain, all that information going in was never going to work out well for me, but in holy buckets we’re having a baby kind of way.
Okay, I’ll admit it, we were afraid it wasn’t real.
The positive tests (all four of them), the symptoms (so many symptoms), the weight changes (it’s shifted around), the way the cats have reacted (Wiggles keeps sniffing her). We both were worried it wasn’t real. That there wasn’t a baby. I had a friend who had a phantom pregnancy once, and I was very aware of this as a possibility and the positive tests meaning something else and that my wife could just be ill. We were both worried we were crazy people.
I mean, we are crazy people, but as it turns out, no there is a baby in there. One the size of a small hamster (according to the app) but a baby all the same.
An awkward baby. Definitely ours then.
It was lying on it’s front, so while the technician was trying to teach the student she had with her, she was telling how, if the baby wasn’t lying in an awkward position you would be able to see this, this and this. In the end bethend had to jump up and down a few times and move the baby.
Snappy just turned over to lie on it’s stomach on the other side.
I couldn’t believe we could see it’s heartbeat. It was so small, like smaller than my cat’s brains (and that’s small) but there and beating. And then we saw it move. Turn and wave its arms as the technician tried to get it into a better position again. It was the best thing ever.
The reality of it was pretty stunning. It means so much.
It means we actually can start planning for this baby and not spend all our time worrying about losing the baby at any second. Just some of our time. I worry a lot about that too. But we can consider names, and cots, and nappies and holy buckets there is a lot of stuff to do.
Who’s idea was this again?
Neither of us ever thought we’d have kids. I can’t speak for bethend, but when we met I was coming to terms with the fact that I would probably never have kids. It’s not like I had some deep burning desire to have children from the moment my hormones kicked in, but I had thought I would like to have kids, eventually, one day. And in the year or so before I met my wife I had started to work on the idea of never having one.
Now I have one.
Just one baby. I may have had a nightmare last night about having triplets.
I made the awesome crocodile scan picture to wind people up, especially my niece, who has been very vocal about us getting pregnant. In that she’s been telling people bethend has been pregnant for over a year now. We’ve been telling her we’re having a crocodile. Her main concern is where it’s going to sleep – certainly not in her room.
Today was the best day.
Tomorrow I can tell everyone – at least the people that don’t know. I swear it’s the worst kept secret in the county.